Be Kind - We Deserve Better
One of the most painful experiences I went through as a teenager happened after I first moved to California with my sister and her husband. During my first year at Rancho Cotate High School, I took a P.E. class where I met some friendly students, but I also met others who weren't so nice to me. In that class, we played a variety of different sports. Some of them I enjoyed playing, others not so much, which I'd rather not play again. One of my least favorite sports is soccer, and there's a story behind it.
During the school year, my teacher put the students into different groups for every sport we played. In the first semester, we played soccer, my least favorite sport, as I mentioned. In my group, a boy always came after me every time I made a mistake. When we played soccer for P.E., the ball would come flying to my face, and I impulsively put my hand between myself and the ball because I didn't want the ball to hit me. Every time I made a mistake, the boy would get mad at me and call me a 'retard.' Every time he called me that, I'd feel horrible about myself because I didn't mean to make a mistake. Every time he came after me, I felt more embarrassed than I did when I mistakenly blocked the soccer ball from hitting my face. Because of that experience, I felt so hurt that I wanted to cry the minute that boy called me a 'retard.' It was the meanest of all names anyone's called me. But to prevent further embarrassment in front of everyone, I forced myself not to cry until after school.
What made the experience worse was not only his making me feel horrible about accidentally touching the soccer ball, but he also made me afraid of being near him. Fortunately, it didn't last for the entire semester or school year. We only played soccer for one to two weeks, and when that ended, my teacher assigned me to a different group. Plus, the boy had another teacher who combined his P.E. class with mine until the following semester, so I didn't have to deal with him anymore. Another thing to add... One girl defended me after the boy called me that horrible name 'retard,' and she told him to leave me alone. I believe it was the last time he went after me.
Sadly, another boy came after me every time I made a mistake. He didn't call me 'retard' as that other boy did, but he gave me a look that always said, "What are you doing, stupid?!" It hurt that he acted like that toward me. Somehow, I learned to ignore him and not care what he thought of me. I also turned to other people with whom I felt comfortable in that class.
I'm forever grateful to the person who spoke for me and stood up to a bully like the soccer boy. Having someone defending me when I was too afraid to speak for myself gave me the courage to stand up. Sometimes I wish I'd been able to do that when he was bullying me, but I've learned that sometimes I need other people to speak up for me, so I can find the courage to stand up for myself. This experience also gave me the courage to speak up for people with disabilities because everyone needs to know & understand what they're going through. As a person on the Autism Spectrum, I need people to realize that even though I have a disability, it doesn't mean that I'm dumb, immobile, or without feelings. I have feelings; I am smart, and I can do things independently. Sometimes I need help with something I struggle doing, but I can succeed when I get help from the right support.
From these experiences, I advise anyone who doesn't understand individuals with disabilities to educate themselves to better deal with them. I've heard depressing stories of people treating others with disabilities like outcasts, especially in situations where these individuals struggle and have meltdowns. Sometimes they would act like little children with temper tantrums in most cases, so many people would deem them immature. At times like this, some people would conclude that the only way to handle the situation was to restrain or separate them. Even isolate them.
In 2015, a disciplinary officer placed handcuffs on the biceps of an 8-year-old boy with ADHD after being escorted out of class for not listening to his teacher's instructions. When he resisted going to the principal's office & took a swing at the officer, the latter placed handcuffs on him and told the boy he'd been warned and didn't listen. Therefore, he would now be handcuffed as punishment. Despite his cries over his pain, the officer refused to remove the handcuffs until the boy stopped crying. As a result, he developed bruising & swelling from his bonds.
As a person discriminated against for having a disability, I find these stories very upsetting. I do NOT support these actions because they are inhumane and discriminatory, no matter the reasons or excuses of the people who handled these situations. Instead of handcuffing the 8-year-old boy with ADHD or kicking out Juliet & her parents off the plane, the officer & the United Airlines crew should've been more empathetic & patient with these people. In addition, they should've been more aware of working with these individuals and helping them instead of condemning them for their disabilities.
While I don't enjoy seeing people having temper tantrums, I strongly believe there are proper and more humane methods of dealing with them. I'm speaking of actions that will not condone their behaviors but actions that will not break their spirits.
I speak on this subject because I have faced discrimination, demanding it stops now. People may realize it or not; we live in a segregated world. Not only are we segregated racially, but we are also segregated neurologically. In tall school buildings, mainstream students attend regular classes without special education. Yet, far away from them & their playgrounds, there are small houses or trailers with special needs students attending. But they don't get the opportunities to fit in with mainstream students so they can interact & develop their social skills. As a little girl with autism attending a mainstream school without resources, I've struggled in classes. Teachers have put me in a corner and pretended I wasn't there. They didn't have experience with kids like me, and they didn't know how to help me. Because I wouldn't fit into their learning box, they gave up on me and put me aside. Like an unwanted book, they put me on a shelf and let the dust surround me. I was invisible to them.
Ollie in 2019
What breaks my heart more is seeing loved ones go through the same ordeals I went through. I have a nephew with SMS (Smith-Mageniss Syndrome) in my family. Like me, he struggles to be with many people and hear loud noises. He also doesn't communicate like his family does, but he's slowly learning & progressing. Despite his tantrums & his struggles, he has a big heart full of love. But sadly, the school he is attending is not giving him the support he needs. As his aunt, it breaks my heart to see him go through this because I went through this before when I was his age. In Mexico, my mother fought very hard to get me the support I needed, to help me get the right tools for success in school & life. Unfortunately, though my mom gave her all, the school board refused to let speech therapists & special education teachers work at their school because they wanted all of their students to fit in one box. Not another one. Only one.
What I ask for from this world is change. The change I'd love to see is how neuro-typical people are treating neuro-diverse individuals. I'd love them to treat us like they want others to treat them. I'd love to see more inclusion within schools, homes, work, parties, dances, sports, transportation, etc. We all deserve to be included and to grow beyond our limits. I'd also like to see more protection for the neuro-diverse because I've learned tragic stories of people with disabilities being viciously attacked and abused. Some have also been taken advantage of and manipulated because they are easy targets for these perpetrators. We are human. We deserve to be treated with kindness & respect. But if society doesn't give us what we need, how can we achieve our own successes? How can the world be a happier place for us?
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