My Reflections On Columbine
Photo Credit: Kevin Moloney/Getty Images
"We are on lockdown. This is not a drill," the radio announced. The last five words continually rang through my mind. Shock filled me up slowly as I realized that what we were experiencing was very real. It was neither a drill nor a dream.
"Head to the very back," Mr. Stenlund the science guy said to us. Not knowing why I did, I crawled on the floor to the very back of the room. I guess Mr. Stenlund told us so as I believe that several others did that as well. As we crawled, the room grew dark after my 9th-grade teacher immediately locked the door and closed the blinds. Most of my classmates huddled together on the floor and pulled out their phones then texted their families to let them know they were alive.
It was not entirely clear to me why we were on lockdown until word had reached among my peers that there was a student spotted with a gun in the bathroom on campus or a firearm had been found in the bathroom. Which was it? Whatever it was, sheer terror was roaming within not just the classroom I was in, but also throughout the whole campus. "I can't believe this is happening," I thought. "There's a student with a gun." Many possibilities spread through my mind, making me imagine what would happen if the shooter broke into the classroom and began to shoot everyone, including me. Though I remained calm from the outside, I was running and screaming from the inside. I could feel my heart pounding so hard in my chest. I might've heard it, too.
The horror expanded within me as I came to another realization that day. It was a coincidence that I discovered. What we were experiencing was just like another horrific event that I had learned about at an assembly a few weeks before-- it happened ten years before the lockdown.
Columbine High School - Tuesday, April 20, 1999, 11:19 a.m.
Strolling along the campus grounds of Columbine were two of its students named Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold carrying two guns, two bombs, and one mission.
"Is this some kind of a prank?" Richard Castaldo, sitting on the grass with his classmate Rachel Scott, asked. No words were spoken to confirm the answer. Eight bullets in Castaldo and three in Rachel were enough. While she was struggling to reach safety, Eric Harris walked to Rachel and grabbed her by the hair to ask, "Do you still believe in God?" Before the fourth bullet went into her temple, her last words were "You know that I do."
Until the Stoneman Douglas High School Shooting, the Columbine High School Massacre was the deadliest school shooting in the United States. In total, 37 people were shot--13 killed, 24 wounded. Lasting 51 minutes, the terror must've felt like an eternity for those who witnessed it. No one knew if the shooters would stop doing what they were doing or who would survive that day.
"Is this my last day today?" I thought. "Am I going to die in a school shooting like at Columbine?" Pleas for protection and mercy were made in the prayers that I said within my thoughts. "Please Heavenly Father, protect us! Don't let the shooter into our classroom! Protect everyone in the school!" I did not want to die that day, and I could not die that day! I had my family to think of. What would they do if their daughter/sister was never coming home with them? How would they live without me? I had to survive!
Though it happened within the campus, the terror had roamed beyond the grounds of Columbine where parents were desperately searching for their children, and wives or husbands were hoping that their sweethearts would be walking with the students out of the campus, helping them to reach to safety. Answers were confirmed the minute the reign of terror ended. Not all of them were the ones that were hoped for. Most of the victims and witnesses went home with their families while there were thirteen who went home with God.
"Attention students and teachers. We are no longer on lockdown," the radio announced. Did I hear that right? Were we no longer on lockdown? Had the shooter been found and captured? I was not so sure about that. Our trust and fates were put in the school's hands, but on that day we walked throughout the campus with this question in our minds, "What if the shooter comes back and the real hell breaks loose?"
Classes and breaks between classes were resumed nevertheless. I confirmed my status to my sister whom I was living with at the time to assuage her fears of what could have happened to me. "Would you like me to come and pick you up?" she asked. Despite being in a state of shock, I insisted on attending classes for the rest of the day. I thought attending my regular schedule would help me feel safer at school.
But at lunchtime, no one was allowed to leave the campus unless their parents were there to pick them up. I couldn't help but hear my lunch pals what they were saying about what we went through. As they were expressing how much they wanted to go home, asking what if the shooter came back, and mentioning that the SWAT team spread throughout the campus, helicopters were flying over us. My stomach started to become sick. I had a hard time eating my lunch, yet I managed to make myself eat only the sandwich and leave the other foods in my lunch pack. "I want to go home," I thought. "I need Lexie to come and pick me up. But, I already told her I wanted to stay at school. What if she can't pick me up? What do I do?"
Ms. Bee, another teacher I would have in another year, came to me, "Micaela, your sister is here to pick you up. I'll take you to her." Relief finally cooled down all of that stressful panic that was building up inside. Putting my lunch in my backpack, I said good-bye to my friends before Ms. Bee escorted me to the front of the school. I was even more relieved to see the face of my sister, Lexie, who felt she needed to come and pick me up after hearing many of the details that she saw on the news, especially when she heard about the SWAT team.
Ever since that day, no student with a gun has ever been found. And the person who made the call was never identified. I doubt anyone knows who the mysterious caller was that made the report, claiming there was a student with a gun on campus. Although, I do have a theory on who could've done that. Since all of the sophomores were taking the CAHSEE test (California High School Exit Exam) on that day, my best guess is it was a student who made the call. They chose not to take the exam, decided to delay that by making a prank call and figured that making a 911 call about a student with a gun would be not only the best prank but also the best way to keep from taking the CAHSEE test. I have told myself if I ever ran into the caller once identified and if my theory were correct, I would say to them that what they did was not very funny and nobody should ever make 911 prank calls. In a time of emergency, it is no laughing matter.
Though neither the shooter nor the weapon was ever found in the school grounds, I thanked God later that night in the family prayer with my sister and her husband for the protection and the tender mercies that were given. I still thank Him every day that I am alive. However, I still mourn for those who have lost their loved ones, like in the Columbine School Shooting. Ever since I learned about that tragedy, I have felt sad for the lives that were lost, the witnesses who survived yet they have suffered the aftermath of the horror they went through, and the families of the victims who had died. I have also felt sad for the perpetrators and their families. Though Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold were responsible for what happened, they too were also victims. Victims of their own hate, their own anger, their own pride. They did what they deemed was a heroic act when everyone knows it was done out of their own hatred towards the world for the bullying they dealt with in their everyday school life.
As a victim of bullying myself, I can understand the two young shooters' motives. When I was teased, made fun of, and excluded, I wanted to get back at the bullies. I neither thought of killing anyone nor had the intention to because I could never do that. Maybe physically fighting them, shunning them or calling them names I would, but never would I ever end their lives. I am not that kind of a person. Plus as a Christian, I live by this commandment, "Thou shalt not kill." But at the same time as I said before, I do understand Eric and Dylan's motives.
Unlike them, I choose to follow a different path. I choose to follow the one that Rachel Scott had walked on before she died. I mentioned earlier that I learned about the Columbine High School Shooting at an assembly a few weeks before the lockdown. Well, I also learned about a young girl who had the faith, the dream and the courage to help make the world a better place in a positive way. After learning about Rachel's Challenge, I wasn't sure if I could make that much of a difference in the world because I was a shy, quiet, naive teenager in high school though I had been carrying the dream of changing the world in positive ways since I was a little girl. I wasn't sure if I could be brave enough like Rachel was when she took action on helping others feel loved & accepted, feel the love of God, and standing up for what was right when others were being mistreated. Looking back, however, I now realize that I had taken a lot of courage and acted in faith when I was younger. Maybe not as brave as I wish I were, but there had been plenty of times when I was courageous. I had a lot of courage in taking the stand to treat others the way I wanted to be treated, stand up to people who were being mean to me and others, and stay true to my faith in the face of those who mocked me for being a Christian.
It's hard to live life when you see, hear and experience the hard, painful, overwhelming challenges that exist in this earth. It's easy to wish to go back to the way things were or to wish to disappear or to want to be done with life already. But why not find something worth living for? Why take the easy way out when there are still other things worth experiencing? Life is hard. Sometimes I wish I could disappear and not deal with the most overwhelming hardships. But, I think of the things that are very important to me. At the top of the list of my important things, my family is the first including my faith in Jesus Christ. In the faces of trials, the more I hold onto my faith, the stronger I become to being like my Savior and the closer I feel to Him.
Sources:
Callahan, Mary & Rossman, Randi. "Lockdown at Rancho Cotate High School in Rohnert Park." pressdemocrat.com, The Press Democrat, 18 March 2009, www.pressdemocrat.com/article/news/lockdown-at-rancho-cotate-high-school-in-rohnert-park/. Accessed 6 October 2021.
Wikipedia contributors. "Columbine High School massacre." Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia. Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia, 29 Sep. 2021. Web. 6 Oct. 2021.
Wikipedia contributors. "Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold." Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia. Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia, 4 Oct. 2021. Web. 6 Oct. 2021.
Wikipedia contributors. "Rachel Scott." Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia. Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia, 5 Sep. 2021. Web. 6 Oct. 2021.
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